Lashing

It’s just the rain

hitting hard against the pane.

No!

It’s the pain in my heart

heralding the return of old habits.

Beating so fast, 

I know I am beaten again.

Familiar feelings!

Fear,

frozen,

vanquished, 

feeble,

frightened.

It’s the waves of despair

drowning over me,

pulling me past all my progress.

Pummeling me 

with my own personality.

It’s me wilting with worry,

the weight of thoughts 

thundering through 

my protective shell

so porous,

so pitifully soft.

Supposed to shield me,

but never strong enough.

It’s me sensing my shroud

skulking in my shadows 

still there,

still stuck to the levers,

always leveraging against me.

Still laughing

as I am set loose

in my sea of uncertainty.

It’s not just the rain.

It’s the rest of my life.